I was gonna write about something else, but something really pissed me off today. Let me paint the picture.
Nice warm day outside. Drove into work with the windows down. No traffic to be seen. Smooth sailing all the way in. Get to work and go into the break room, and Surprise, donuts !! Lovely donuts for all to enjoy. Sounds good, right. Day couldn't be any better so far. The gods are smiling on me. I scan the selection of donuts, all very tempting. Then I spot it. The donut WITHOUT the hole. It's girth also doubles the size of any of it's neighbors. Conclusion: must be jam packed with something: creme, custard, jelly. The suspense thick. I take a bite.
BLAMO !!! Right in the face, but not literally as I expected.
A donut, huge donut, with NO hole, but also with NO filling. (Queue the evil organ music) Why have the fates damned me so? Why can't they just let me live my life. What possessed devil made such a large, holeless donut with nothing in the center other than .... dough? Was it a conspiracy? Was I on TV? I've been punked haven't I? This donut contradicts everything I stand for. Let me explain.
I have a food item mathematical equation that makes choosing food a breeze. That equation: Maximize your Mass per Dollar (mass/$) with every food item. This donut defied me and gave me false data. (Please forget that fact that I did not actually purchase the donuts, therefore making my Mass/$ coefficient infinity) It's mass seemed quite large, and the presence of a filling created a much denser and therefore much larger massed item. But, without the filling ... only fluffy dough present, destroying such mass as I hold so dear.
I ate the donut. Got some coffee. Wrote this blog. Maybe I'll center my being with another donut. One deemed more worthy. One with unlimited Mass/$ potential. One not made by Satan himself.
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6 comments:
That is a moral outrage. Who the hell do these donut producers think they are? Were these Dunkin' or some other brand.
BTW, the notion of your mass/$ coefficient being infinity made me laugh out loud. Hilarious.
They were grocery store brand donuts.
How is it that the glass has a hole but the donut does not?
That'll teach you to buy generic.
aaron: That's the way life is.
cljo: Dunkin Donuts rulz
I think you got a berliner. My research says they are usually filled, but that implies they sometimes are not.
That'll learn ya. There is no free lunch when you're eating free food.
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