tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56158279810455243042024-02-20T07:26:43.060-05:00The Glass Isn't Just Half Empty ...... it's got a hole.<br>One man's opinion on life, the universe, and everything.Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-11788119245776986832013-06-05T20:17:00.003-04:002013-06-05T20:17:36.277-04:00MovingIf you care
<a href="http://markoberg.wordpress.com/">http://markoberg.wordpress.com/</a>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-47180375824836702002011-05-20T16:28:00.002-04:002011-05-20T16:34:54.998-04:00RaptureTomorrow is Rapture. I have no idea where I'm going, but ... I try to repent. The only comfort, I know if Rapture is real ... the kids are gonna be safe. People are goofy. No one is really sin free. That's what makes us human. Hopefully God understands that. We'll see. Although I did see a couple funny items.<br><a href="http://gizmodo.com/5803904/all-the-essential-gear-you-need-for-the-rapture" target=_blank>First</a><br><a href="http://memebase.com/2011/05/20/memes-philosoraptor-heaven-we-have-a-problem/" target=_blank>Second</a><br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-63386400363956964952011-05-20T15:36:00.004-04:002011-05-20T15:42:29.818-04:00Sad DayAnd I just brought up celebrity deaths in a earlier post, but <a href="http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5h_qaIYsTx3JKQmgMyHnNbYlr17FA?docId=96652f40ed0c471c9ad2ebc35120643a" target=_blank>Randy 'Macho Man' Savage has passed</a>. Sad day. Already people are flooding the internet ... including me, with words, both kind and unkind, as well as pictures. <a href="http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&hl=en&safe=off&site=&source=hp&q=Randy+savage+death&aq=f&aqi=g1g-m1g-b1&aql=&oq=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=9d48d3b0c206fd1d" target=_blank>Google it</a>.<br /><br>I remember the days of staying up late on Friday night to watch WWF. With Hulk, Andre, Macho Man, Ultimate Warrior, Junk yard Dog, CoCo-B-Ware ... all the greats. Too many to list. If anyone can find a nice list with pictures, that would be great. Maybe I'll start one. Then after watching on Friday night till 1am, I'd go to my bowling league first thing in the morning and everyone would be talkin' about what happened and OMG and such. Not a big fan of the new stuff. Too much drama, but maybe that's cause real-life drama is enough. I don't need fictional drama.<br /><br>Goodbye Macho Man. You missed the Rapture. Hope you're in a happier place.<br /><Br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-56448884309909317302011-05-20T08:44:00.004-04:002011-05-20T08:45:52.222-04:00Gold ....I don't know why ... but <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c2j0Mw37nE&feature=player_embedded" target=_blank>this is gold</a>.<br /><br>Source of <a href="http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/nyan-cat-pop-tart-cat" target=_blank>Nyan Cat/Pop Tart Cat</a><br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-27618570187975123082011-05-19T15:31:00.005-04:002011-05-19T16:05:53.330-04:00So much Garbage out thereVerizon Wireless - Yes, this effects me directly, which is why I'm complaining, but this <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/19/us-summit-verizon-idUSTRE74I4NH20110519" target=_blank>idea</a> is absolute garbage. But, that's how the man makes money ... charging us. I won't effect people in large metro cities that much since they can piggy back on to wifi, but since I'm a sticks person .... I'll be hurting. I already pay $80 a month. Although I hear I'll be grandfathered in with my current unlimited data plan.<br /><br><br />Osama Bin Laden - I'm already sick of hearing Osama's death. It's just like any celebrity, except, in this country, it's hatred instead of sorrow. And then I gotta hear about <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/05/us-books-binalden-idUSTRE74385D20110505" target=_blank>the Navy Seals that went in</a>, <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/06/pictures-report-idUSRTR2M2UL" target=_blank>the war dogs</a>, and <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43065572/ns/slatecom/" target=_blank>Osama's porn</a>. Just getting tired of it. Let's go back and talk about <a href="http://articles.cnn.com/2009-06-23/entertainment/obit.mcmahon_1_ed-mcmahon-johnny-carson-tonight-show?_s=PM:SHOWBIZ" target=_blank>Ed McMahon</a> or <a href="http://articles.cnn.com/2009-06-28/entertainment/mays.death_1_billy-mays-oxiclean-hillsborough-county-medical-examiner?_s=PM:SHOWBIZ" target=_blank>Billy Mays</a>. Those will truly be missed and I crave to talk more about them. And Ed McMahon got over shadowed by Michael Jackson. Terrible.<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-65858850505156235172011-05-18T10:49:00.003-04:002011-05-18T10:57:05.774-04:00I'll be back ... after I cover this upAh politicians. Such a fun source of scandal. Arnold Schwarzenegger has got <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/US/mother-arnold-schwarzeneggers-love-child-revealed/story?id=13626896" target=_blank>a doozy</a> on his hands. The Terminator, as we all know, is not indestructible by bullets, molten metal, or the female form. Or so it seems. Poor <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Shriver" target=_blank>Maria</a>. What do you do now? I guess the Kennedy family is just <a href="http://www.offthefence.com/content/programme.php?ID=431" target=_blank>stuck in limbo</a>.<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-3417995449567705432011-05-17T11:58:00.023-04:002011-05-17T15:57:26.772-04:00So I was watching Star Wars ....... and I believe I am .... a <a href="http://www.starwars.com" target=_blank>Star Wars</a> nerd. It happens. So I thought I'd put down a scale of sorts so you can place yourself. Going from lowest Star Wars nerd to highest.<br /><br><b>Slave Human</b> - You know nothing about Star Wars with the possible exception that you know that there are some movies (possibly only one movie) called Star Wars. You tend to confuse it with the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strategic_Defense_Initiative" target=_blank>laser defense system mentioned by Ronald Reagan</a>. You live a normal life with a normal job.<br /><br><b>Storm Trooper</b> - You know the existence of all movies and have seen them, possibly only once for the newer ones. Yet you do not understand that the "newer movies" are actually prequels. You notice children playing with light sabers and acknowledge it's source of entertainment. The major characters in the movies can be named with some thought. You live a normal life with a normal job.<br /><br><b>Interplanetary Gangster\Trade Federation Member</b> - You enjoy all the movies and tend to enjoy the newer ones more for their modern flair and CG effects. You sometimes get "the bug" to watch the movies. When you see children playing with light sabers, you join in. Inevitably, you accidentally injure a child swinging your make-shift light saber too hard. In your life and work, sometimes you make Star Wars references that apply to the current real life situation.<br /><br><b>Padawan Learner</b> - This is the actual first level of fan-dom/nerdy-esk tendencies. You have seen all movies, multiple times and enjoy them all. The nostalgic draw of the "older" movies (of which you know are chronologically newer) is quite a bit larger then "normal" people. You have seen the movies enough times that you do not need the subtitles when Jabba the Hut speaks. You have attempted the Jedi Mind Trick at least three times. Instead of joining in light saber duels, you sometimes start them ..... with children. You tend to gravitate to being a Sith Lord in these situations. In your life and work, you actively look for situations that can be related to a Star Wars reference, and you attempt to make it.<br /><br><b>Jedi Knight</b> - You have seen the movies multiple times and have either played the game <a href="http://www.swtor.com/" target=_blank>Star Wars: The Old Republic</a> or seen the cartoon, <a href="http://www.starwars.com/theclonewars/" target=_blank>Star Wars: The Clone Wars</a>, or both. When watching the movies, you can recite all dialog of all characters, including Jabba the Hut (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hutt_(Star_Wars)" target=_blank>click here to find out the language he speaks, although you shouldn't have to at this stage</a>). You have also read the books in order to quench your thirst for knowledge after the movies end. You attempted to use the Jedi Mind Trick at least three times .... in the past week. Your light saber duels have started to take on an epic feel to them with possibly one light saber being a "not just a toy" light saber. You almost always attempt to <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Telekinesis" target=_blank>force throw</a> during your duels, when you accidentally hurt a child .... yet continue on dueling while mentioning to them that they are not using their "hatred to strike you down making your journey to the dark side complete" (said in emperor's voice). You have attended a Star Wars or comic book convention. In life and work, you make Star Wars references whether they apply to real life situations or not .... and you think it's hilarious/awesome when others do not. And they most certainly do not.<br /><br><b>Jedi Master</b> - You take your post of sitting on the Jedi Council very seriously ... especially since you started the club called "The Jedi Council". Your knowledge of the movies, cartoon, and books is unsurpassed. In the numerous Star Wars games you play, you fantasize about actually performing Force maneuverers by mimicking the characters and in some cases, complain that the characters are doing it incorrectly. When you go to conventions, you dress in character. You have a large action figure collection, most still in the packaging. You have an extremely expensive Light Saber that you do not allow anyone to touch, and is mounted above your bed. You have numerous movie posters, framed of course, hanging in your studio apartment. Perhaps even some life-size cut-outs or mannequins. Your favorite is Yoda and you sometimes meditate in front of it. Light Saber duels do not happen since there is no one with a sufficient metachlorian count to challenge you. You attempted to use the Jedi Mind Trick at least three times .... since starting to read this post. In life and work, you are a Jedi. And you read this post and know that you can come up with better and more levels of Star Wars fanaticism ... i mean pride.<br /><br><b>Sith Lord (Master ... not apprentice)</b> - Life is the force. End of statement.<br /><br><br />Which are you?<br /><br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-61152558187669163692011-05-12T10:57:00.000-04:002011-05-13T16:53:15.686-04:00Grrrrr .... Virtual MachinesWaiting is torture. Trying to setup a virtual machine for actual use is like melting your face. You just want to turn away and run. Kills everything about my host computer. Virtual machines have there uses, but when your host machine can't tolerate sharing it's resources with one cause they are so few in the first place .... it's borderline not useful.<br />And now it's sitting on Windows Update just so I can start being useful. Microsoft ... why is your market share so large. Maybe Google will put a dent in that with Chrome OS. Although Google is already getting too big for it's own good. Computers, phones, home automation, tv .... where will it stop? I a "damn the man" kind of person, and right now .... I'm damning Google. *profuse fist shaking to the sky*<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-28128391291648685712011-05-12T09:44:00.000-04:002011-05-13T16:53:15.650-04:00Nice...Just took a walk to the bank. Beautiful outside here in the lower peninsula. Went to check out <a href="http://www.weather.gov" target=_blank >Weather.gov</a>. It said 50% chance of thunderstorms today. Can't tell at all. Actually had a conversation with my son about the weather and the weather-man. He's not a big fan of thunder storms and said that he didn't want to go to his baseball game today cause the weatherman showed lightning. Even though I'm sure meteorology has taken huge strides recently, the bulk is still projection based off of trends. I told him that the weatherman can be wrong and that he was still going and that his coach makes the determination. Too nice for a thunderstorm, but as I just said, a lot can happen in a short amount of time. And weather.gov presents today as partly sunny. I have noticed it saying partly cloudy before. Who is the person that determines partly sunny or partly cloudy? Aren't they the same thing? Unless it's partly sunny and the other part is plasma-filled holocaust? I guess that would classify as partly sunny. You'd want to deter from that. But part sun and part clouds is normal. Unless someone can prove me wrong.<br /><br />Music playing as writing: Two Faces Have I by Lou Christie<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-22855095874612702862011-05-12T08:49:00.000-04:002011-05-13T16:53:15.450-04:00Been a While ....Man, what do I write here ?!?! Waiting for things to progress at work. Weather is getting nice ... finally. Although it'll probably get too hot for my liking fairly quickly. Hmmm ..... the weather. Fantastic topic to start off with, eh?<br>Well, kinda bored here. Nothing to excite me here. Slowly learning new things yet at the same time doing what I have to.<br>Kids are getting bigger. Using a two-wheeled bike or using the bathroom properly.<br>I just feel like writing something. Listening to music for inspiration. Although New Age Girl by Deadeye Dick is not the best of mind expanders. A novelty nonetheless. Some "now old school" The Crossroads by Bone Thugz-n-Harmony. I remember when this song came out in 1995. Not what I classify as old skool (Run DMC, De La Soul, Positive K). I actually looked up what <a href="http://www.positivek.com/" target=_blank >Positive K</a> is doing these days. Music and videos. Keepin' it real.<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-64700102035051739072008-05-01T10:05:00.006-04:002008-05-01T10:16:15.678-04:00You'll Never Make the 15th ... or Did You?Tax time may be over, but that doesn't stop us from bitching about it.<br /><br />Trying to balance that fine line of not giving the government a free loan with our money vs. having to cough up money that we were counting on being their for food and shelter, gives me a headache every second I have to think about it. My opinion on this dilemma, give the government some of the money and get it back later. The interest I could gain from it if I actually had it the entire year, is marginal and not worth my time being able to walk a tight-rope. I never want to actually write a check with money that I thought I actually had. Getting money that you didn't know you had is more like Christmas than paying bail. I want to hear your opinion on this topic.<br /><br />I also use TurboTax. It may be the same price as a H&R Block-type person (or less), but not having to deal with a person who has to split his attention over 100's of tax returns and allowing me to concentrate and understand fully what's being done, is quite a bit of an advantage. I also, find TurboTax easy to use. Never had a problem. My return is obviously not that difficult. What do you people use, people or software?<br /><br />More to Come:<br />Getting kicked in nuts, Stupid ass videos on the internet, Cell Phones, Stupid abbreviations, historical sites located in terrible neighborhoods, grocery shopping while on your cell phone (arguing about products), sports fanatics, old women who close YOUR window on the bus without asking, line-integrity police guy, people who say good morning when its clearly afternoon, mock crab, that fucking guy<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-64247545593689193742008-01-23T11:39:00.003-05:002009-05-01T08:27:44.058-04:00LOLCats = -LOL = Hatred++The mere existence of <a target=_blank href="http://lolcats.com/">LOLCats</a> should show how this world is just falling apart. I'll admit that some cats can be funny like this:<br><br /><img width="50%" height="50%" src="http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/128391045286875000.jpg" /><br><br />And <a target=_blank href="http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/Nio71r4Pl_YLIGiet53hYQ?feat=directlink">this (Please give time to load, it is worth it)</a><br /><br>But the gratuitous use of misspelled words and and 3-year-old phrases really makes me want to vomit in rage rather than think that any part of it is cute. I don't blame the cats, just the cat owners.<br>You know that feeling you get when your mom/dad/guardian shows that picture of you taking a bath in a sink, or you wearing that blue leisure suit when you were only 3 and you had no control over anyone? Embarrassment. That's what every single cat in those pictures feel like 24/7 because their f'ing owner thinks it's cuuuuute. If you wake up one morning with your eye balls scratched out, I'll produce a small twinge of laughter and say "That's so cuuuuute. He maimed and disfigured you until your unrecognizable."<br><br />Note: cats WERE harmed in making of this post. Not really (unfortunately)<br /><br>More To Come:<br />Taxes, Getting kicked in nuts, Stupid ass videos on the internet, Cell Phones, Stupid abbreviations, historical sites located in terrible neighborhoods, grocery shopping while on your cell phone (arguing about products), sports fanatics, old women who close YOUR window on the bus without asking, line-integrity police guy, people who say good morning when its clearly afternoon, mock crab, that fucking guy<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-75271503479469970292008-01-22T19:10:00.001-05:002009-05-01T08:18:45.021-04:00O To The "Rescue"I wanted to address a comment immediately.<blockquote>Dear Abby- I've been married 57 years now, and I think my husband is cheating on me with the mailman. How can I be a better wife to him so he doesn't have to stray?<br />SPECIAL DELIVERY in Tuscon</blockquote>Dear Special Delivery:<br />Thank you for the letter. You did say mailMAN ... right? There is nothing in this world that I find more disgusting than two sausages smacking together. Strangely enough I got the perfect gift for your husband. This is guaranteed to bring him back to you. Please see the email I received below:<blockquote>Hi Everyone!<br /><br />Just wanted to let you know the Meat Heart Bouquet is now available at BeefJerkybouquet.com, (where else?)<br /><br />My web guy hasn't posted the new pic yet, so I thought I would give my A-listers first gander. (See attachment below) <br /><br />Hope you like:) A lot of people have asked about this bouquet, so I just wanted to remind everyone I am still UPS ground ( I know, I know, slow poke girl) which means it is probably a good Idea to order at least a week ahead of time to guarantee on-time delivery. Well that's it. Thanks again for being a Jerky Head. It really means a lot to us here at Jerky Central. <br /><br />XOXOXOX Happy Valentines Day (in three weeks)<br /><br />Lou<br />BeefJerkybouquet.com <br />Say it with Meat!<br /></blockquote><br /><a href="http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/NN-rxUgKCtxKWC1vFoN1DA?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_pvPTCgzWotk/SQrzBzEvwdI/AAAAAAAABGA/BFvqRVTSMag/s400/Valentines%20Meat%20Heart%20Bouquet.jpg" /></a><br />Remember it is always best to "say it with meat!" Your husband will be so sick of "meat" in all forms, he'll come running back.<br />Moral of the story for the kids .... spam can sometimes be entertaining. Hold back your frustration and wait on that delete key.<br /><br>More To Come:<br>Taxes, Getting kicked in nuts, Stupid ass videos on the internet, Cell Phones, Stupid abbreviations, LOLcats, historical sites located in terrible neighborhoods, grocery shopping while on your cell phone (arguing about products), sports fanatics, old women who close YOUR window on the bus without asking, line-integrity police guy, people who say good morning when its clearly afternoon, mock crab, that fucking guy<br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-24723087821376625442008-01-21T09:46:00.000-05:002008-01-21T09:56:47.963-05:00Audience DrivenI think I already strayed from the purpose of this blog. To insult all people. I want to make this blog somewhat audience driven. Give me a topic, and I'll go off about it. My email is oberg3@yahoo.com. Yes, I know that I inviting spam, and I don't really give a s!@#. And yes, I don't have a large audience at all, maybe 3 people. Thanks for insulting me. I want this blog to be a parallel to "Dear Abby", except I don't help with problems, I fuel the fire ... with a possible hint of help.<br /><br />Future topics so I have them:<br />Taxes, Getting kicked in nuts, Stupid ass videos on the internet, Cell Phones<br /><br />C U Soon.<br /><br />Future topic supplemental:<br />Stupid abbreviations (i.e. the L33T language)<br /><br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-78753658028741257792007-10-29T08:44:00.000-04:002007-10-29T08:46:57.137-04:00Pure GoldI saw another classic billboard on the way into work:<blockquote>Arrive Alive<br>Do Not Drive Distracted</blockquote>I immediately drove into oncoming traffic and died ... mostly because I was distracted by the billboard.<br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-80274056851384281682007-10-25T20:01:00.000-04:002007-10-25T20:02:41.499-04:00FinallyThey finally got a box of TP!! Only after one of the servers took a dump and they had to leave the office to get a new hard drive.<br /><br />Terrible<br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-82164812646334072862007-10-12T08:33:00.000-04:002007-10-12T23:25:28.694-04:00Why am I Here?<blockquote>The following tale of conspiracy and mismanagement is true. And by true, I mean false. They're all lies, but they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth ... the answer is no.</blockquote>For those of you that recognize the quote above ... kudos ... and yes, I mean the snack bar. This story is about the fight between me and "the machine" ... fictionally. Please read disclaimer:<br /><blockquote>DISCLAIMER: The following is a complete work of fiction and does not correlate in any way to any person, place, or event. Reading, copying, or, for that matter, doing anything with this story implies usage limited only to laughing and vomiting in rage.</blockquote>Now that that's out of the way, we can start. Queue up a fade to a dark and stormy Monday morning. No direct sunlight, only the ambient glow of the dark gray clouds.<br><br />I'm sitting in my office, and a not so sudden, but expected urge comes over me. I know what time it is without looking at any sort of time-piece. It's 10:15am. Going for the most relaxing part of the day. Although it has not been a particularly rough morning, it look forward to the relaxation time, for the few minutes. (Start soft nature sounds) I walk into the relaxation room, hard and cold, dimly lit, perfect relaxation mood. I sit down on the cold porcelain surface. (Do you know where I am yet? You should, otherwise you should just stop.)<br />Concentration. Mind wondering thoughts of the past ... and possibly the future.<br />Mediation complete. Now to complete the ritual so that discomfort does not follow later in the day.<br><br />AAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!! NO TOILET PAPER !!!!!!!<br><br />I fell victim to the classic, not checking for stock before committing. I then told the appropriate person about the problem, and didn't give it a second thought.<br />One week passes. Someone in the office felt it necessary to buy some toilet paper from the gas station across the street. I can understand that he would not want to have the females in the office be without. That just seems wrong.<br />One month passes. This one guy is still buying and expensing the TP from across the street.<br />A total of 1-1/2 months pass. The person whose responsibility this is is really dropping the ball. This cannot go on. The "Oberg vs. The Machine" feeling is now kicking in. This person has been told multiple times by multiple people to remedy the situation, yet nothing.<br />I know what your thinking ... tell his boss. I can't. He is "the man" (add other metaphors here). Well what's wrong with the one person buying and expensing. Well ... he's doing "the man's" job. "The Man" may find that acceptable, but not me. Especially when this directly translates to other aspects of his business, such as product development.<br><br />I had an idea. Take the remaining rolls from the rest of the bathrooms (b.t.w. that was 1-1/2 rolls for 3 bathrooms). I also did warn the females in the office, but they decided to keep their 1 remaining 3/4 roll. FYI, that roll did go out. The thought that the person responsible would feel such a large amount of embarrassment from a female asking for more TP, that he would remedy it, and never do it again.<br />Well, TP White Knight decided to buy some at the gas station anyway. Plan foiled.<br />It may seem childish, but hard lessons make for easy learning. Also, I don't think he cares about who he fires if someone were to confront him and call him a dumb-ass (like I would do).<br><br />Well, the question remains ... why am I here? I stopped caring about anything that goes on here. I will assume the role of a worker drone, doing what he is told.<br><br />Reminder: see disclaimer. This post IS FICTIONAL.<br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-61728794701845388262007-10-09T17:59:00.000-04:002007-10-10T17:02:53.606-04:00Cinderella Had It EasyThis past weekend the family went to a <a href="http://www.klackleorchards.com/">local apple orchid and pumpkin farm</a> to pick apples and pumpkins for the upcoming holiday. Fun place. It has a petting zoo, a bunch of blow-up "jump-around" things for the little kids to play in, as well as some self-powered karts and tractors (i.e. petal) to race around aside for the apples and pumpkins. First of all, it's October and it's blazing hot outside (high 80s). This weather is ridiculous.<br><br />Any way, the not-so-funny part came when we were picking pumpkins. The pumpkin patch is accessible by a wagon ride where the wagon is in the shape of a over sized novelty pumpkin, much like Cinderella, that's pulled by a John Deer tractor. After picking some choice pumpkins, I started loading one of the "wagons" with the pumpkins and my daughter. Well, of course I turned around to grab the diaper bag and the tractor took off with the wagon. Not a feverish pitch by any means, but it took me by surprise and I stood for just a moment. Reality then hit that my daughter was in there. There was another set of people in the "carriage", but I needed to get on it. Well, I ran ... also not a feverish pitch, for those who know me. But fast enough in order to catch it. My daughter and pumpkins, all well, no bruises or scratches. I waited at the next stop for my wife and son to show on the next enchanted pumpkin, and all was well.<Br><br />Just a brief moment of excitement.<br><br />Speaking of weather, we went to a bon-fire later that night. Everyone stayed at least 15 feet away from the fire. Where's the snow? When's the next ice-age coming?<br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-40677042581990156692007-10-01T08:47:00.001-04:002007-10-02T08:46:39.313-04:00Driving Through HellOn my way into work today, the electronic billboard had a confusing saying on it:<blockquote>Fall is here<br />Don't veer for deer</blockquote>Wouldn't you want to veer out of the way or a large animal in front of your car. I understand that it may be better to hit the animal than swerve and hit another car or fly off the road into a house or ditch. It probably should be more clear:<blockquote>If a deer you come upon,<br />Be sure to hit it head on</blockquote>Makes a lot more sense now.<br /><br />Any way, I wanted to talk about gapers. Now, gapers are different from <a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=MlV&q=define%3A+gawker&btnG=Search">gawkers</a> in that they apply directly to people in moving vehicles. These are the people that unnecessarily slow down to extreme slow speeds when they come across construction, police officers that have someone pulled over, or just someone/something on the side of the road. Obviously you should slow down for all these things for safety reasons, but to slow down to 10 or 15 MPH in a 70 MPH highway or 45 MPH construction zone where they have already reduced the speed limit for safety, is just ridiculous. In two instances, I have seen a gaper slow down for a pulled over car (no police officer) that was ON THE OTHER SIDE of a 70 MPH divided highway. Also slowing down for a bunch of <a href="http://www.michigan.gov/mdot">MDOT</a> workers that were "taking a break" by watching all of us fools driving < 10 MPH makes my blood boil to the point of insanity.<br /><br />Now I have an idea, we should pay these people and give them goals to shoot for. Here is an example procedure of how to carry out a proper gaper traffic jam:<br /><br />1. Look for ANYTHING on the side of the road. People, car, animals (dead or alive), or small pieces of junk<br /><br />2. Wait until you are less than 50 feet away from the object and the promptly slam on the brakes of your vehicle. Make sure to be safe and mindful of the road conditions, we wouldn't want you next the object.<br /><br />3. Once you are at slightly less than 5% of the allowed speed limit, let off the brake and coast to object while blankly staring at the object.<br /><br />4. Once at the object, make a complete stop. If the road your on has multiple lanes, attempt to block all of the them with your vehicle.<br /><br />5. Exit your vehicle while maintaining a locked-on stare with the object. Be sure to leave your door open.<br /><br />6. Throw both hands in the air in disgust while shaking head. Having your mouth wide open will enhance the effect. Remember, eye on the object.<br /><br />7. Now is the ONLY time when eye contact with the object can be released, but you must now stare at the person directly behind your vehicle while silently mouthing "Oh my God !!" and pointing at the object.<br /><br />8. Now return to the interior of your vehicle while showing a look of disappointment. Wait !! Be to hesitate of just a moment while entering the vehicle. Possibly performing a double-take.<br /><br />9. Accelerate away from the object while taking at least 2 miles distance to reach legal speed limit.<br /><br />I hate these bastards.<br /><br />Supplemental 10/02/2007 8:30 am:<br />I saw again today the person that slows down for the other side of the divided highway. I caught her in a #3 and a #9. If she was getting paid, she should get minimum wage. Terrible work.<br>Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-41602026534318108972007-09-30T16:11:00.000-04:002007-09-30T16:42:31.861-04:00Reliving the Past ... With a TwistThis Saturday my family went to a kind of reunion picnic with college friends and family from <a href="http://www.sigmachi.org">Sigma Chi</a> fraternity, <a href="http://www.sigmachigmi.com/">Zeta Theta</a> chapter. There was probably about 50 people or so, but half were kids ranging in age from 5 to <1 year. It's kind of weird remembering parties that I used to go to with my friends that start at 10:00pm with drinking and loud music. This was a party started at 1:00pm, with the football game going in the background, and drinking (at a much lower level), but also with the addition of toys, blankets, playpens, and strollers. Everybody has grown up. Just kind of strange. One guy made a good comment, <blockquote>We used to say 'Where's my beer?' ... now we're constantly looking around saying, 'The kids ok?' and 'where's the dog?'</blockquote> Just strange. How lives and personalities of people change with time. I wonder what I'll be like in 10 more years. (fade to black)Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-32079596284512304312007-06-29T13:01:00.001-04:002007-09-28T12:44:29.934-04:00What the He!! Have I Been DoingOf course life comes at ya in LARGE chunks and there is little time for hobbies ... such as blogging. Below is the post I was working on ...<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">Music at It's Finest</span><br /><br />Last night I went to opening night at <a href="http://www.summercelebration.com/">Muskegon's Summer Celebration</a>. First headliner of the 11-day long festival ... <a href="http://www.weirdal.com/">'Weird Al' Yankovic</a>. Hilarious show. Many, many costume changes, from Amish, to Puff Daddy, to Michael Jackson (fat and skinny), to Jedi Knight, and to Rage Against the Machine. And in between each costume change, they showed "Al TV" segments from when MTV was good.</span><br /><br />... which is now completely obsolete and removed from my brain since it was so long ago.<br /><br />Otherwise <a href="http://www.pent.com">working</a>, <a href="http://www.graasa.org">playing softball</a>, going to the bar (actually it's a sports bar and grill restaurant), <a href="http://www.nfl.com">watching football</a>, <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/fantasy">playing fantasy football</a>, playing with the kids, and sleeping. I'll type more when I have time.Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-37671689194867058212007-06-25T08:39:00.001-04:002007-06-25T09:58:50.537-04:00Sneakin' in the MoviesToday is about rating movies that I saw over the weekend. The title of this post refers to a <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0093200/">very good movie</a> that everyone should see. I rated each movie on multiple different systems, so that you can gauge accuracy on your particular method. Thumbs up/down, A.B.C.D.F. grade system, and number of stars out of 5. But anyway, I went to the <a href="http://www.celebrationcinema.com/?pid=30010">drive-in movie theater</a> on Friday with the family. Great place, and a double-feature for the price of one movie, and the kids can (for the most part) be as loud as they want. First movie:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449088/">Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End</a> (<a href="http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/pirates/atworldsend/">official site</a>)</span><br />This sequel was not as bad as the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383574/">2nd movie</a>, but also not as good as the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0325980/">first</a>. Not a lot of quick-witted, snappy one liners, which I think are funny, but the plot was very good. It took a little while to get to the end scene, but it was worth the wait. Now I'm sure that the demise (if there was one) of olden day pirates was not as dramatic as portrayed in the movie, but it makes for a good visual. Disney used their money well, but as the old adage goes ... sequels suck (when compared to the original).<br />Rating: Thumbs up, B, 3.5/5 stars<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486946/">Wild Hogs</a> (<a href="http://wildhogs.movies.go.com/">official site</a>)<br />This movie has an excellent cast for the type of movie that it is, slap-stick comedy. It didn't make me laugh out loud, but a lot of the slap-stick was very funny and the plot did move right along. There was only one problem with this movie: <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000501/">Ray Liotta</a>. For some reason, ever since <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099685/">Goodfellas</a>, I can appreciate, nor like him in any other role. For me, he ruins movies everywhere he goes. This movie was good nonetheless. Good family movie, but wait for the DVD. No distinct advantage to seeing it in the theater.<br />Rating: Thumbs up, A-, 4/5 stars<br /><br />The next couple of movies we rented, and thank God I didn't see some of these in the theater. I would have stabbed myself.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465624/">My Super Ex-Girlfriend</a><br />My nephew thought this movie would be funny ... it wasn't. This movie is about a guy, whose girlfriend is a super hero and turns out to be a super freak. Needless to say, he breaks up with her for a normal bitchy girlfriend. The super hero retaliates. Terrible plot, terrible writing. It's a shame it has a decent cast. I fell asleep during this movie at one particular point. See if you can figure out why. As one of the "I hate you" moves done by the super hero, she throws a live great white shark into his 10+ floor New York apartment. It tries to eat him. End consciousness.<br />Rating: Thumbs down, F, 0.5/5 stars<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0259324/">Ghost Rider</a> (<a href="http://www.sonypictures.com/homevideo/ghostrider/">official site</a>)<br />I really liked this movie and wish I could have seen it in the theater. I am very partial to movies about God and satan, such as <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118971/">The Devil's Advocate</a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0145531/">Stigmata</a>. This movie does not disappoint in that respect. Good visuals and decent acting although <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000115/">Nicholas Cage</a> would not have been my first choice.<br />Rating: Thumbs up, A, 4.5/5 stars<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0454921/">The Pursuit of Happyness</a> (<a href="http://www.sonypictures.com/homevideo/thepursuitofhappyness/">official site</a>)<br />I didn't think this movie would be any good, mostly because I don't like movies about true events. I like to keep my mind floating in fantasy land and stay away for real (hence my blog name). This movie did surprise me, it was witty and funny in some parts, but also made you feel genuine feeling for the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000226/">Will Smith</a> character. He is Hollywood's premier actor in my opinion.<br />Rating: Thumbs up, B, 3/5 stars<br /><br />Yes, I did see a lot of movies this weekend, but that's what I do with kids running around.Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-41395738167033961062007-06-22T08:55:00.001-04:002007-06-22T09:25:48.004-04:00The Forbidden DonutI was gonna write about something else, but something really pissed me off today. Let me paint the picture.<br /><br />Nice warm day outside. Drove into work with the windows down. No traffic to be seen. Smooth sailing all the way in. Get to work and go into the break room, and Surprise, donuts !! Lovely donuts for all to enjoy. Sounds good, right. Day couldn't be any better so far. The gods are smiling on me. I scan the selection of donuts, all very tempting. Then I spot it. The donut WITHOUT the hole. It's girth also doubles the size of any of it's neighbors. Conclusion: must be jam packed with something: creme, custard, jelly. The suspense thick. I take a bite.<br /><br />BLAMO !!! Right in the face, but not literally as I expected.<br /><br />A donut, huge donut, with NO hole, but also with NO filling. (Queue the evil organ music) Why have the fates damned me so? Why can't they just let me live my life. What possessed devil made such a large, holeless donut with nothing in the center other than .... dough? Was it a conspiracy? Was I on TV? I've been punked haven't I? This donut contradicts everything I stand for. Let me explain.<br /><br />I have a food item mathematical equation that makes choosing food a breeze. That equation: Maximize your Mass per Dollar (mass/$) with every food item. This donut defied me and gave me false data. (Please forget that fact that I did not actually purchase the donuts, therefore making my Mass/$ coefficient infinity) It's mass seemed quite large, and the presence of a filling created a much denser and therefore much larger massed item. But, without the filling ... only fluffy dough present, destroying such mass as I hold so dear.<br /><br />I ate the donut. Got some coffee. Wrote this blog. Maybe I'll center my being with another donut. One deemed more worthy. One with unlimited Mass/$ potential. One not made by Satan himself.Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5615827981045524304.post-17693558869457618782007-06-21T10:15:00.000-04:002007-06-21T10:55:51.466-04:00The Maiden PostFirst of all, thanks to those of you reading this. If you don't understand the title of this blog and why I'm doing it, stop reading reading now, I don't need your business. Come to think of it, I really don't need anyone's business. This blog is for masturbatory purposes only. And keep your mind out of the gutter (I saw that). I am also not a ligician (linguistic magician), so no comments, otherwise I will rip you a new one on this very blog. Here we go:<br /><br />Yesterday, my wife and I played in our 1 of 2 <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_15774_slow-pitch-softball.html">SLOW-PITCH</a> co-ed softball leagues. Had a double-header, lost 1 and tied 1. That's ok, but here's what really bothers me: males that take walks in a slow-pitch softball league. The purpose of "slow-pitch" is that the ball is lobbed at you to "hit it". Not to watch it go by in the hopes that the non-professional softball pitcher will not hit the strike zone. The pitcher will NOT hit the strike zone 9 out of 10 times. That person has a real job that does not require him/her to place a ball in a 2x2 ft area from 40 ft away. It makes for a really boring game for one, and it makes me want to trip that person as they trot around the bases. I always have the overwhelming urge (in which I always indulge) to yell "Rec League !!" No one standing around this field is staking their life or money on this game in which most people are just trying to get the end so they can drink themselves silly at the bar. If you want to get walked, just stand at the plate with a slouched back, and the bat dangling off your shoulder, and wait ... for me to come over to you kick your a$$.<br /><br />In 1 of the games yesterday, I got called out because of too many foul balls. Fine by me, they were all decent pitches. Not great or perfect, just decent. That's all I expect. But then when the pitcher of the other team walks to the plate, no f!@#$@ courtesy. He doesn't even look like he wants to hold the bat. Sad.<br /><br />Now some of you may be saying, "He said males that take walks, not females!" Well, I did. If a female comes to bat looks more than capable of hitting the ball, then fine, I'll hate her too. Same goes the other way. If your capable, hit the ball. Statistics fall towards the male being better at hitting a ball in a recreational league in the middle of Michigan. If you don't like it, tell me ... and cover your groin area.<br /><br />That's it for the first one. Hope you liked/hated it. Also if you have some good topics, let me know. Who knows, I may agree with you.Big Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04687402431898069107noreply@blogger.com4